Our guy is off the radar. Tonight we took 3 blues each and dyed our hair black with that dodgy Oriental dye, Bigen to pass the time. Apparently if you're unlucky, Bigen causes an extreme allergic reaction leading to welts and scalds on the scalp as well as hair loss. I'm willing to float through that possible danger like a kid tripping his tits off, jumping off a bridge because he's so damned sure he can fly. Ha ha. I think I could seriously consider sobriety if I had a steady supply of these vals. Would be a hell of a lot cheaper too.
The bOY looks seedy, gaunt, sexual these days. There's something dirty and jaded that's creeping like a shadow over his innocence. When I met him he was 19 and a virgin. Long blonde hair, transparent blue eyes that always looked surprised.. tall and pale with jutting hips and ribs. I wanted to screw him so bad, to be the first, to corrupt his unfathomable and oblivious beauty. He was nervous so we took a few sleepers and a few bumps of k.. it was dreamlike.. white sheets billowing over poreless flesh. A naive kid with a rock hard cock. I wanted to tear his flesh to get to the centre of his soul.. I don't remember much, just that it was as pure and transcendent as my first shot of diazapam, which came soon after.
I had to leave for work at some art shop in the morning and he was lying spreadeagled, passed out naked in stained sheets with his hair obscuring his face. I seared it into my brain, wishing for the millionth time that I owned a decent camera.
I'm watching the sun rise beyond a vase of dried out carnations and a stack of obsolete DVDs (the player was pawned long ago) and adding up the amount of money I've earned so far this year. It must be around the £15000 mark yet I have nothing to show for it but better cheekbones and forearms that scare small children.
What age are you supposed to grow up?? I have friends in their late 30s who are just like me. Feral,transgressive, bored. Something has to happen, it HAS to.
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